he stopped giving me attention
Thats the only way you will know how he truly feels. Its now Tuesday, nothing. What do I do? I asked about the plan we made and he didnt answer he started to be mean to me and not talk and then he hung up on me after saying he wasnt gonna go to hoco with me or prom and that he didnt love me. But loves to act as if what Im saying isnt logical. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now.I think were quite compatible cause we dont fight much and understand each other. He knew my day was not going well and that I have dinner ready for him every single night and just once, I ask him to just do it for me! And so on. I dont think he will change. If he couldnt step up on this milestone birthday and anniversary, theres no way he never would. He hates my mom which is part of that reason. 's life, you're sending clear signals that your partner isn't important to you. 3: like he hates me so much and it wont be long or difficult for someone he likes better to come along and replace me. So Im telling myself to just treat him like an acquaintance and move on with my life, but still find myself getting triggered on the daily by this baffling behavior. But he tells me that he wants to get married even im being a total b*tch. Also, he says he is claustrophobic and that a lot of kissing makes him feel smothered. We both have good jobs and have a beautiful life together. Then we signed our new real lease together and I dont know how we got where we got but he started getting lazy. Im an essential worker so I work fulltime while he sits at home playing video games all day long. we havent dated for long (~3.5 months) so i could be overreacting, but at the same time, im tired of the lack of effort on his end. This time, it doesnt feel like it will. I would like him to make effort, look up someplace Id like and invite me to go. He doesnt seem to like me being around on the weekends when he has his daughter. He doesnt know WHY he cant put in the effort that he wants to put in. I dont know what to do. You figure youll be happier not wanting anything from anyone. Ive been with my boyfriend for a little over two years. Thats it.. theres nothing more than that. He dismisses your emotions. Ive thought of letting him go because hes not what I want in a relationship, but hes the only one in this world that knows every single thing thats been in my head. My boyfriend and I both 21 have been dating for almost 3 years and for almost 2 years he has been serving the military back home with only weekends to spare and while I am in Canada studying for almost a year. We dont laugh as much as we used too. Well today came and guess who backed out of the park?? He hasnt showed any affection towards me since that incident and makes me feel he doesnt care to make me feel like Im the only one. Recently we spoke after time a part and he said hed really change. He almost kind of agrees to get it over with but nothing changes. For our year and a half anniversary I didnt have money at the time and we were fighting a lot but I made him a good luck bracelet and wrote him a very personal card. Can Your Husbands Affair Be Good for Your Marriage? Hi My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and weve lived together for 3.5 of those years. He knows more about me than I do apparently. He also is financially stressed and gets seasonal sadness (its winter here in Wisconsin) and I try my hardest to support his needs with it all but it drains me always having to take care of him while I get nothing in return except more expectations. But all in reality I wouldnt feel like this if he just showed me some type of effort and love and I get that it wont be a all the time thing but youre telling me its going to be never and I just have to sit here quiet and not say how I feel because apparently its unfair on him but what he is doing is unfair for me. I think you deserve attention and love from a real man. wishful thinking: wanting to be wanted deeply wanted to feel like a woman kisses, grabbed, eye gazed wanting to be complimented and acknowledged. He was pursuing and attentive at first, expressed that he wanted a committed monogamous relationship, and did little things like bringing me gifts, making sure I had water at night when I stayed over, giving me a sweatshirt of his to wear in the morning, just little attentive kind things. He was grateful but got me nothing. I stay with him but he doesnt make any effort in helping in the house financially and his not willing to look for a job. However, just before christmas time, the same things started to happen again, effort drops off. I give it some days to really think what I wanted to do and I decided I wanted to work it out so I talked to him and expressed how I felt and ask what made him want to do this. We both still live at home and even tho hes nearly 21, his parents still have some control over him, he doesnt talk back to them and theyre weird about him staying in my house and doing stuff with me (sometimes not all the time!) But then he keeps telling me he loves me, he cares for me, Im matter and important to him. Soon realizing i wasnt going to come back to where i met him i tried to break it off. I forgot the bin was being collected and it was due to arrive in a few hours, he didnt take it out. Hes been consistent so far. I think this self reflection is important to ensure I dont repeat this again. If you almost never see each other, then sitting down to talk about your relationship or his lack of effort would look much different than if you live together. I can tell you have much love for him but imagine how good itll be to love someone that has that same love and 10x more for you. When this happens occasionally, it's normal, but consider it a red flag if it's happening constantly. How cold he was to me made me feel like I was unworthy of love, like I was undeserving of his attention. There is just nothing in return. I'm Laurie, creator of Uprooted She Blossoms and author of Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back. After a few nights of him treating me bad, he noticed that I was about to leave him so stopped drinking when we would go out because he didnt want to be aggressive with me anymore. This is an old post but was wondering what you did? Are you expecting more from your boyfriend than he can give? Hi I have been in relation with my boyfriend for 3 months now. Its so annoying because Im a feminist but I just want to feel secure. If, however, your boyfriend really has lost interest in you, then you may have to be painfully honest with yourself. He did go a bit out of the way for Valentines day but last week our first date night since my bday in Jan didnt go quite as well as hoped and as usual, despite saying well just finish where we left off later, that turned into never. He is not often visit to me. Any effort I make gets unnoticed and it is never enough. Hi. I didnt really understand why he said that when I been there since day one and still been here but I wanted to also considered how he felt and change that. He definetly isnt prioritizing me. He was telling me about his plan for tomorrow and I asked about when we are supposed to go out, he acted annoyed and commented I knew you would be worried about that really? I always want to do cute things for him but almost stop and second guess myself because I question why I should if he doesnt do that for me, and more importantly, WHY doesnt he want to? Yet never once hes let me in. He told me about his situation and how his mother is a single mom and he has to take care of his younger siblings. The moment we start falling in love with spending time alone, and with good friends, spend more time away from him, but still caring for them when we are available, that way, if he is truly someone worth being with and if he truly loves you, he will be the one missing you being curious of what exciting things you are up to. Ask them, I feel like youre ignoring me. Then he complains when I dont cook dinner after working 10 hours a day, I work four-10 hour days, and says all I know how to cook is chicken, which Im a great cook, he is just too lazy to do anything what so ever. Im still waiting on unemployed from when I lost my ft job in Sept. My tuition for spring is late. Now its almost been two weeks since weve seen each other. Ive bin going through a similar situation with a guy. I always yearn for good morning texts, prioritize seeing me during his off days and checking in during the day. Anyway not sure what to do either but it helps to know Im not the only one. Is he older? You want him to be different. At last my mom knew everything and i wasnt allowed to talk to him.. I have no friends no interest in men, I cant even stand it when strangers try to talk to me. He begrudgingly paid the initial payment of $600 but was pissed because he expected me to spend my winter break, the first break Ive had for myself since before my mom got diagnosed with cancer on 2020, working full time to save up the $1800 tuition. But I clearly have seen enough examples of the ones who simply stops caring when they are sure that we will be theirs and we will always care about them no matter what. Girl please, stop wading knee deep in his shit! Is he telling me things just to shut me up or does he blurt things out impulsively. I have met and gone out with his friends. Men just are good at keeping it closed up. it was boring and dull. If he isnt putting any effort in the beginning of the relationship then I think its time to let him go. I know it was all my fault and wish i could fix things! And I would listen but then my insecurities would come back and were back to where we started. And what if something bad happened to him which I hope not at least I know who to contact. This guy isnt my boyfriend but we met in a way that would almost seen like fate. Thanks for letting me vent gals. And think about the other person not just about yourself. Then I get a text at 10 pm! and he would say yeah we should, and then nothing. He knew everything about my family and their pictures but not for me. Things have been bad for a while. We are in LDR. I noticed he changed a bit, he does little effort in our relationship. I didnt see him so I thought maybe he didnt want to show up. I dont want to decorate his car or buy him that cake. You can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people. We need to be very careful with whom we share our hearts with. He gets angry and its caused a lot of fights lately. Things are getting better as we learn about his condition and learn the tools to manage conflicts between us. I know this might sound silly compared to all of yours. So any advice for me would be great! Ive been doing long distance for nearly 4 years now which hasnt been so good with COVID but honestly thats just an excuse, I think our relationship was still doing bad back then. Hi Looloo, My partner is the same. My fiance, my 12 year old son, and i have been living together a second time(in his house). He bought her a Mothers Day card. FUNCITONING ALCOHOLIC. It is almost like I was forcing him to show that he cared. We live together also, in a large house he bought with his ex. My 30th birthday was two days ago. At first, he was working, seeing his daughter, making me coffee in the morning, starting my car for me, doing dishes, and laundry and now ten months in, he lost his job, and I have no idea if hes looking for a job. My guy is the same way. No updates or goodnight/ goodmorning texts.The thing is, I get worried easily.I didnt wanna bother him cause I knew he could get pretty busy with chores at home and his fam is kinda strict on exposure to electrical gadgets so he doesnt want to be on his phone much when hes with them. In the past few months that has changed and hes gotten better. He apologized but I was just so hurt. Whats the point ? Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and recently he has started to change. I could have written that. I dont want to settle or compromise my own feelings anymore..And you shouldnt either. I am like at the I dont know what to do stage right now my boyfriend is not even home because I told him to just leave we got together super fast and since the beginning I noticed that he wasnt affectionate at all but I thought he might be shy but as time passed he still is non affectionate at all! I feel like we should break up but as I say he is my life its really difficult and I dont want to hurt him. But I decided to tell my bf what makes me happy. So that irritates me as I scramble to get everything I need to get done before he gets there so I can spend time with him instead of homework or dishes or laundry. I dont think that birthday present is coming, but if it ever does, it will probably be your last. Should I stay? Were in a fight right now because of that and what he says is for me to do things the way I used to but that way we will never be together. But how can we trust someone who says they love us and then, intentionally hurt us? Needless to say, I do not want to get married, to see if that will make a difference. But we should start taking care of ourselves more. When we first started dating I personally felt like he put so much effort into me and the relationship. We were really happy and things happended so good. We had to fight a lot so I can see his friends pictures. he says that he cares and loves me but doesnt do anything to show me that. Lets see whats they do. Am I expecting too much from him? he straight up ignored and didnt read them.) Any thoughts ppl? He started withdrawing from me after I asked him 2-3 times to hang out and do things with me. The problem is, everyone around me has boyfriends that are going the extra mile to make sure their girlfriends feel loved at this time. it sounds like you two need to have a serious conversation about where you both stand. He just doesnt make an effort to ask me to do things. Last week,for like 2/3 days hes been quiet and inactive. He is a very patient and calm person. Stacey Laura Lloyd is an author with a passion for helping others find happiness and success in their dating lives as well as in their relationships. Go back to doing the things I use to do before I met him. I begun to be desperated just to win him back but hes tough enough to avoid me and forget everything we had. He has changed massively and does not do any of those things now. im not sure what to do anymore. Be happy with you. Dont end up like me. For a while there I was wondering if he was a narcissist, player or just using me. Im a very physical touch/ Quality time person. So I honestly dont understand. but yeah I rlly love this guy and our relationship is dying. We dont even hug or kiss anymore because people have always yelled PDA! (Stupid high schoolers) so now he wont do any of it. Be careful when you hear those words. Thats why I feel like I need to leave. Especially no Valentines or birthday. But the good things about that is, by then you honestly love and care about yourself much more than you do love him. He talks but does not deliver. And im as asian girl. Its been bugging me for a while but I finally decided to do something about the fact that he doesnt really seem to make an effort to see me. We do have a son together and me and him both work and I get home cook and clean and take care of our son while he just gets home everyday and relaxes he has embarrassed me many times in front of his family and friends When we barely got together I asked him what he would rate me 1-10 and he said a 6 and that really broke me. Hes very sweet and affectionate, so I dont believe its due to him not liking me anymore, but it really confuses me and stresses me out. He said that the only thing I require of him is to give me attention. I barely work because the program Im in is so stressful and demanding that I nearly burned out and almost flunked out of the program in fall. And I told him we can figure it out together after 1/2 weeks I asked him again and go if you dont want to be with me just say it and he said he doesnt want to be a di**head and I said fine and I tried ending it because the way I was getting replies I felt as if he didnt want this no more. Now that we have a son and Im not as fit as I used to be what does he think of me now? Heres my concern-We live 70kms apart amd stick to phone calls and texts and online communication. HI CHRIS, MY BOYFRIEND ALSO DRINKS A LOT. I feel like I & this relationship deserve more. Im certain when he got up in the middle of the night drunk and angry because I was trying to cuddle and woke him up (he got dressed and turned all the lights on to start manically cleaning the house) that he probably threw them in the garbage. And then the other half of me cant help but feel like perhaps he just doesnt want to go on a date with me at all and thats why he never made an effort. You are independent. I really wanted to talk to her siblings and parents and friends but he doesnt like the idea because he said his father and friends do not like me because I am not Lebanese. he nvr plan for any dates, nvr rlly want to try anything new w me. Even when I have my moments he still comes back around. His family are complicated, we rushed into our relationship, live together almost 5 years. Ive put my career aside to help him build his business. Thanks for your confidence in a random stranger. When Your Husband Still Works With His Ex Affair Partner. If they are willing- great! Sometimes I felt that he was mad at me, he would say that I was a show off or that I always took things too seriously. He doesnt tell me he loves me very often, never compliments me, doesnt text or call on the days we are apart and due to his lifestyle and commitments we see each other the same 3 evenings every week, and it has been the same 3 evenings for 3 years with the exception of one or two evening. I have been dealing with a lot lately. They dont hide in the house obsessing over chores with all their free time! A Relationship Expert Explains, How to Recognize Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Your Spouse, Chemistry Between People Depends on These 7 Traits, Signs and Causes of Emotional Neglect in a Marriage and How to Cope, 8 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner, 16 Signs of Falling in Love That Mean It's Real, How to Stop Being Needy in a Relationship, How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship, 10 Signs of an Emotionally-Abusive Relationship, How to Ask for a Father's Permission to Marry His Daughter. You need to recognize that youre settling for less than you deserve. Xx Be strong. Should I tell him how I feel about not talking enough or should I just let it fade away? I dont think he would see it this way at all. I have tried to express my feelings over and over, but I still get nothing. Maybe he was tired or stressed out, maybe the honeymoon stage was simply over. Im just about done with him. Its hard for me to talk about it with him because he gets sensitive but he doesnt show it. Im just confused if he really want me he should have no excuses in having time with me. ! And he states that he just noticed it then. In regards to the relationship, when you get more rest and relaxation and go back to your favorite hobby, find ways to invite the guy. So we decided to give it a try. She saw me with his hat and questioned me and i told her i got it from my best friend and she knew i was lying but didnt care. Again, tons of excuses. He says he loves me but he just doesnt act like it. Which really confuses me. his excuse of not having quality time? Actually they havnt shared any sexual pictures or that was not very sexual conversation. but up to now he doesnt understand what im pointing out and still refuses to make even small efforts. Ignoring a man based on false projections often has drastic results. I didnt get to ask him for his number or anything so I only had his name. My ex-best friend snitched to my mom and told her everything about my bf and got some info from close friends about me meeting him secretly so my mom gradually started finding stuff out. I know love makes me blind, could anyone tell me what I have been missing in this relationship please? InWhen He Doesnt Make Time for You: How to Create More Love in Your Relationship, Byron Katie shows a man how to build a better relationship by questioning thoughts such as I want him to spend more time with me.. Im not sure what to think or do. IT IS A VERY HUGE PROBLEM. , hopefully each day, I will start to become stronger, and maybe me and him could continue with our friendship as time passes. Being that were sophomore and junior now, we dont have any classes together. If his texts arent super time-sensitive, then its okay to And you need to figure out why youre not asking him to treat you better. I came across a guy who seemed familiar but had a different name. Around that time, he moved to the same part of the city as me and started going to the skate park too. I been communicating with him about his lack of effort , no improvement. Its like Im wrapped around his finger but he doesnt want to care and so its hard for me to let go because I truly love him but hes not the same with me. We must set boundaries and stick to them so we dont keep ending up here! However, how do we Know that the ll will Change? Hes him. its just do not putting attention at all. I stayed, I settled for hearing that he loves me and cares about me but all the ugly and mean things said and done between those few comments of praise and validation, was the permission given to keep doing it. I also pay all the bills, budgeting, grocery shopping. Rather call it quit now and learn to live without him as soon as possible because you are in a loveless relationship. i feel lonely in my relationship because it is very one sided. Im really worried because from October were doing it long distance and Im dreading that if Im not the one to go see him, were not gonna see each other for half a year. You may find it helpful to write about your relationship. I cannot communicate with him. doesn't pay attention to you, and they're not fully present when youre together. The way he acted after you said you need a romantic date, even if you said it while in tears or upset, is absolutely unacceptable. Im 53, he is 51. So accept that it will be hard, cry about it for a week or two and try to move on with your life and realize that you deserved so much better then that pos. He has issues, related to Pyrones disease. Before that weve only met to chat, watch a movie or take a walk. And I get it, hes never been through the same things but I expect that. Hes a good guy but I dont know why he stopped trying. ive already told him my feelings about this often. But he still makes no effort in even recognizing relationship milestones like anniversaries, but he has done romantic things for the girl he chased for 6 years. But when we got home, there was another fight awaiting us. I kept on wishing the man I met at the beginning of the relationship would show up but he never did. We were living together but decided to try living apart since we jumped into the relationship. I am struggling to deal with mine and have decided to back away, which is hard, however I want to see if he makes an effort when Im no longer at his beckon call all the time. I decided to tell him how I felt because its always best to tell the other person how you feel. I know that probably sounds silly but his replies are shorter and he doesnt joke around with me like he used to do. There may be more social pressure on men to be the ones who go after women, but hes got feelings too. He tells me constantly how much he loves me.. I set the bar really, really low. He is a freeloader. He doesnt ever say I love you first, he doesnt hold my hand, the most hell ever do on his own is give me a kiss here and there and theyre quick pecks. It may be time to reassess your relationship. Im confused by this guy I had been seeing before coronavirus lockdown. I have no idea what this is all about, but the roller coaster needs to stop, its too hard for me to deal with. I know he is under a huge amount of stress because of work issues and family issues We dont spend much time with each other since we are both extremely busy, however; I am always keen to plan my time so we could at least spend half a day with each other weekly or every two weeks. Your email address will not be published. We currently are not speaking its been three days, and this has been the longest fight weve ever had, since we always try fixing it right away and I feel like weve just gotten so exhausted and Ive just been so sad over the lack of effort he used to give. We met in a few hours, he moved to the skate park.... A bit, he cares and loves me but doesnt do anything to show.. And texts and online communication his lack of effort, look up someplace Id like invite. Well today came and guess who backed out of the city as me and everything! I personally felt like he put so much effort into me and everything... For 4 years now and learn to live without him as soon as possible because you are a! Years now and learn the tools to manage conflicts between us is n't to. You need to be painfully honest with yourself man I met at beginning! Unnoticed and it is very one sided house he bought with his ex really happy and things so. 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A second time ( in his house ) relationship because it is very one sided it ever does, will.
